Dealing with Loss

John Wambu and I are having a hard time dealing with loss.  We made the offices at the Learning Center of Made in the Streets as secure as we knew how.  We put a safe in the wall when we built it -- and put a cement roof on the room.  We put a metal door on the office, a metal door on the outside office door, metal gates on the Learning Center, and we stationed a dog at the Center.  As it turns out, we did not have at the time of the break-in the strongest possible locks everywhere, but we had strong ones.  Thieves broke in and stole $8,000 of the ministry money, which was scheduled to do renovations on the property, to build part of a new building and to pay for special activities for the street kids, among other things.  No one had actually seen us bring in the money, and only 4 people knew about the safe.  

But people know that a school will have cash at the end of a month.  And they know it will be in the most secure office.  And someone may have noticed that there was a connecting door between the conference room and the office area, and the conference room had a strong lock but one that could be cut.  So...they came at night, broke the locks, found the safe and took the money.  

For us, loss is hard to deal with.  Both John and I feel guilty, knowing there was more we could have done for security.  And we feel bad for the ministry and the kids.  We sorry that someone we know and love may have been involved.  We wonder if we can keep money safe the next time.  

There are many things we think of.  Jesus suffered loss; he even let Judas Iscariot continue to steal out of the common purse.  Paul counted all material, mental and social things of this world as less than nothing for the sake of knowing Christ Jesus.  Paul said he was content, with little or much, with whatever happens in life.  Christians are called to rejoice in all circumstances.  We are called to believe that we are in the will of God, that God is in control, that all that happens to us will further the kingdom of God in some way.  

We still find it hard to deal with loss.  It happened on our watch, and we built the office and the safe.  And we have responsibility for the ministry's money.  So how do we find peace? Or do we need the turmoil until we find better ways to take care of God's resources?  

We each forgive and try to encourage the other, and it is hard for either of us to receive the encouragement.  It keeps us awake at night, and both of us have lost weight (and John can hardly afford the weight loss).  We both know that God loves us, that this ministry is worth doing and these kids are more valuable than all the world, but all that doesn't yet console us.  Each of us keeps thinking it's our fault, and that's hard to shake. 

I have discovered many times that one of the answers to guilt is the passage of time.  One usually feels better in the morning, at least after sincerely changing and desiring to be a better person.  So I feel sure that a morning will come when we both feel better.  We want once again to have what John writes about, when the heart does not condemn.  

I usually don't write like this, because my life has been incredibly happy and full of joyous things.  Bad things have happened,  but I have been basically untouched.  So why does the loss of money hurt so much?  Maybe it's because my Dad was so responsible when it came to money, and I think the way he did.  

I'm also working on forgiving the people who took the money.  May they find the Lord!