Musings of a Troubled Soul

There are days in my life when I am most conscious of failure. Fear of failure does not stop me from trying to accomplish what I want to do or what seems right, but failing troubles my soul.

We have scheduled a series of fund-raisers for special projects for Made in the Streets, and we want to bring some young people who have lived on the streets to share their message with our friends. We have received the news that the US Embassy has denied Caroline Wanjiru a visa to come to the US for April. We also want to bring Anthony Owino over, and we think that if they denied Caroline, they will likely deny Anthony as well. The official told her that she did not have adequate documentation that showed she would return to Kenya. I'm sure that the Embassy official was doing the best he or she could to serve American interests. They do need to be fully convinced that the applicant will return to Kenya.

My thought is that I have failed the ministry and the young people. From a distance I can't know what occurred and why the embassy official denied the visa. I do know that life is difficult for young people who grow up in desperate poverty, and especially those who suffer from life on the streets. They have a poverty mindset, which does not comprehend how the more affluent think and how they make decisions. And it is hard for them to raise their eyes to people in authority who will make a decision that affects them. Whatever happened, it's clear that Caroline could not convince the official that she is legitimate. That means we have not prepared our young people well enough and given them the tools and outlook that enables them to deal with people with a different mindset.

Now I have to decide how to deal with failure. It is our task to search for new ways to train young people, to make them capable of dealing with people who MANAGE relationships and decisions. The mindset of the poor is to fight over relationships and to submit to decisions by authority.

This troubled soul must also remember that he serves the will of God, and he does not even comprehend what He may be planning to accomplish in all relationships and needs.

And anyway, what is to be done about failure but to search out ways to do better next time? There are better ways to train young people, and by grace we will find them.

Justice and Humility

How does one think about justice and getting one's rights? How does one practice the humility that Christ requires?

In the recent election in Kenya, the strongest opposition party claims that the election was rigged at the last minute in favor of the incumbent. It is important for Kenya to know whether that is true and to find a way to solve the problem that moves the country forward. Forward meaning success in integrating with the outside world and reducing corruption and raising the level of integrity and optimism in the country.

But what does the opposition leader do? To resist the announced results, he must call for protests and put pressure on the government. On an individual level, Jesus calls on his people to practice humility, to accept insults and rejection and bad treatment and respond with love and peace and good will and good treatment of enemies. We understand that and can find ways to practice it. We swallow our pride, accept setbacks and continue with our lives.

What do you do on a national level? Do you practice humility, or do you pressure the government to make changes that will be good for the whole country? It may mean disruptions, riots, police action and suffering for many. The past practice of America has been to be willing to take military and police action to change the world or to hold what is regarded as evil at bay so that it does not take over.

And what does a government do when threatened by opposition? Does it respond with police action and put down protest, or does it allow protest and marches even at the risk of greater unrest?

I would enjoy hearing what our friends think about these issues. My email is charles.coulston@made-in-the-streets.org

From the point of view of Made in the Streets itself, humility is ever our goal. We do not seek to affect government or society in any way; we seek to change the lives of individual street kids - to bring them hope and opportunity - to help them develop spiritually and socially -- to enable them to work and make life better for themselves. As individuals and as a ministry, we seek to accept what comes to us in life and make a difference at the same time.

May all that comes your way to pleasant, and if not, may you find a way through it that brings joy.

Unrest in Kenya

We are sad at any event that creates more trouble for street kids. The unrest at the end of the election in Kenya has led to local riots in several places in Kenya. We are grateful that our center in Kamulu (at the eastern edge of Nairobi, 20 miles from downtown) is isolated enough that there is little likelihood of problems there. What our street kids worry about are their relatives who are in Huruma or Mathare Valley.

It hurts me that Darlene and I are not in Nairobi to go through this with our Team and kids. We love them very much. Life is short, humans are like grass, but our lives mean something when we risk ourselves in order to do good and to work God's will. We know that God wants the street ministry, that it fulfills what Jesus appreciates and wants in the world, and that there are kids on the streets whom God is calling to himself.

God can be trusted to have us in his plan. God can be trusted to keep our hearts and souls safe in Jesus. God can be trusted. So we have peace in this New Year.

Be blessed in the New Year,

charles and darlene

Of Pain and Joy

No matter how old we get, it still brings us pain when our kids are hurt. We go so far as to ask God to give us the hurt instead. I went to the hospital yesterday afternoon to see the daughter, recovering from back surgery. I hate having to think about all the pain she has endured in the past few years, and I would gladly take all of it to spare her. Maybe she will come home today, with about 6 weeks of recovery, for the pain to go away and for renewal of her strength. The doctor thinks the little steel disc is sitting exactly right, and he is hopeful that completely recovery of the spinal column is possible. As I looked at the x-ray the doctor brought in and listened to him talk to the daughter, I felt joy. Joy that my child would be okay.

It makes me conscious of all the kids in the world who are not okay today. The kids sleeping on the streets right now in Eastleigh, Nairobi, since it is nighttime there. The kids in Iraq on any street, the kids near that marketplace in Mogadishu, the kids in any school where bullying and fear reign - let's together ask God for his powerful beam of light to rest on those kids for their good.

There is a God in heaven, there is a God who owns the earth and all in it, there is a God who secures the future. So joy will not die, will not be defeated, will not dim in the presence of pain. Count on it!

charles

Back in the USA

Darlene and I go back and forth from Kenya to USA. The contrasts are great, the details astounding, and the joy remains constant. We leave the street kids in good hands -- the Kenyan Team is astounding. The kids at Kamulu had a "Family Day" today, with any family members they have visiting for the day. It's a great time and very meaningful to the kids. Even though their family experience may have been terrible, family is still very important to them.

Now we are in California. I am at gymnastics with Morgan, the youngest granddaughter. Wow, this is fun! Watching her fulfills a little part of my heart that is special. Our daughter is in the hospital after back surgery. Darlene has gone to see her today after taking the twins to school. Her husband is getting much-needed sleep. So we are useful even here!

Being USEFUL is just what we want. It's a big part of what brings meaning to our lives. We want our usefulness to bring joy to people and also hold meaning for something eternal as well.

Have to go now -- the granddaughter is ready to move on -- happy holidays -- charles

BurnOut

Dealing with Burnout

Now and then people are concerned about Darlene and me – about my health, about all the travel we do, and especially about the possibility of burnout. We see and know about a lot of terrible things that happen to children on the streets. Sometimes a young person with whom we have worked disappoints, does something wrong, and leaves the ministry. Sometimes kids we love return to the streets, choosing sniffing glue in the alleyways over a safe and warm life at Made in the Streets. Maybe a student stays with us all the way to 18 years old, gets an ID card, but doesn’t care to look for a job, and ends up on the same streets where they were when we met him.

So far we continue with desire to see this ministry through, to get all the Team fully trained and dedicated to long-term ministry, to get all the infrastructure, policy and program needed to ensure an ongoing effort to help kids get off the streets and into a productive and spiritual life.

But we are alert to the possibility that our Kenyan team members could burn out also. We have recently had a series of events on the streets that could burn out a person out. I thought you might be interested in how we deal with possible burnout.

Two weeks ago the 6-year-old daughter of one of the young women who come to our Monday program for street mothers (ages range from 18 to 34) was raped by someone known to the mother. It was a traumatic event, and our Team in Eastleigh (Ann, Anthony and Kennedy) dealt with the aftermath – getting the man in jail, talking with the mother and child. Then Nicholas, who dropped out of our program in Eastleigh in 2000, killed Patrick, who had been in our program with Kennedy and Anthony in 2003, over a card game. The next day, after the police had come around but did not act, the other guys at the base killed Nicholas. Again it was Kennedy and Anthony who met with the others at the base, with Patrick’s brother, and who took responsibility for the evening meetings where they raise money for Patrick’s burial in Western Kenya. So our Team has been up all night at the fund-raisers and working during the daytime. Then a woman named Njeri (age 34) who lives at Jamaica Base was beaten up by a former boyfriend from another base. The mother of one of our girls, Mary Muthoni, who alse lives at the base, came to ask our Team to help with first aid. When Anthony arrived there, he found Njeri in bad condition, so he got her to the hospital, after getting the young man into jail. When Anthony saw all the blood on her and was told by the doctor that she had internal bleeding, needed surgery, and might not survive, he felt a spasm in his body. He has some chest problems which may be asthma also, and the spasms made that worse.

When Anthony came to Sunday morning Bible class that I am teaching on 2 Peter this term (the Eastleigh Team comes to Kamulu for Saturday night and Sunday morning), I saw him spasm in class. It appeared to me that he has 3 spasms – his left arm, the left side of his body and his whole upper body. It is just a momentary jerk. He also feels great responsibility; a local policeman told him he was responsible if anything bad happened at the nighttime fund-raisers. At any rate, we decided it was time to take “burnout action.”
My first action was to talk briefly with Anthony. I asked him to describe what he was feeling in his body. Then I instructed him to take care of himself as well as all the other people. When he told me that they were raising about 500 shillings each night in the fund-raisers, I told him to ask them NOT to meet Sunday night, and in turn I would give them 1,000 shillings. That allows Anthony to get a full night’s sleep. Then Francis Mbuvi instructed Anthony to come back to Kamulu on Monday and spend two nights with us, giving Mbuvi time to debrief Anthony and listen to him talk about his feelings and the bad stuff he has seen lately. Kennedy will handle the fund-raisers Monday and Tuesday. Then Kennedy will come out for two nights and spend time with Mbuvi. I also asked Anthony about the t-shirt that he was wearing under his outer shirt; I told him I could tell that it has a big red “S” on it. He looked at me quizzically until I told him about Superman, then he laughed and admitted her felt responsible for everything.

Our next step was to give him opportunity to do something truly good. On Monday he plans to get Njeri from the hospital, take her to the police station to write a statement, then see her back to Jamaica Base. So I gave him 1,000 shillings and asked him to find her a room down in Mathare Valley that he can rent for about 700 shillings a month, then to buy her and her two children food with the rest. He will pay two months’ rent and encourage her and her 16-year-old to earn money in the next two months and be able to pay the rent after that. Whether that happens or she returns to Jamaica Base, we will have done something good for Anthony. Tomorrow when we go to Eastleigh for the Monday program, we will take two mattresses and two blankets for the family’s bedding.

I also alerted Larry Conway to the situation so that he can find some quiet time soon to sit with Anthony and be a listener.

I’ll let you know later what happens to the spasms.

On Health

Took a walk after working all day at almost dark. Hard to keep the sugar level down and control the diabetes. Without the daily walk I lose the battle, even with pills and controlled consumption. As we walked we talked about the street kids in our program, especially the new ones. We walked a roundabout way to the boys’ center. There was a large group out on our soccer field playing at almost dark. And then we could hear two basketballs bouncing on the court. The boys were having a great way to end the day. Down at the girls’ center the girls were either studying or doing their hair.

What we always pray is that God will lead us to the street kids whom he is calling to himself. The five new kids are a great example of how that works out. All of them have said that what they like about Made in the Streets is that they get to know God. One said he didn’t have opportunity to learn anything about God out on the streets, and now he can. They were thrilled when I presented each of them with a Bible, and two of them were eager to carry the Bible to the dorm to read it at night. In only our third day in having sessions with them, and without our urging it, two of them, Mercy and George, have asked about being baptized and say they are ready. So Francis Mbuvi or another Team member will study with them soon.

They are believers. And God has called them to Made in the Streets, where they will have daily chapel, Sunday worship, weekday Bible classes, a Friday evening cell group, and opportunity to read the Bible in the dorm.

Now this is good health! When we see kids getting a new life, reaching out to the Lord, it makes our hearts a lot stronger. It makes me feel better in every way. And it helps them to grow in confidence and in poise. A relationship with God is able to make everything else easier, such as English and Math and Computers and Geography and Health and Skills training – all of the things they study.